perkmashin's Crimean Brochette of Sturgeon

"Forward, the Light Brigade!"
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Someone had blunder'd:
Their's not to make reply,
Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

2 sturgeon steaks, cut in 6 to 8 equal pieces

1 cup whipping cream

3 Tablespoons dry white wine

1 Tablespoon honey

1 Tablespoon coarse-grained mustard

2 lbs. white onion

3 Tablespoons unsalted butter

3/4 cup rice

1 teaspoon salt

1/3 teaspoon white pepper

1/3 cup whipping cream

2 Tablespoons unsalted butter


1. Preheat broiler. Place fish on metal skewers.
2. In a small saucepan over medium-high heat, reduce cream by half (watch carefully to prevent cream from boiling over). When reduced add wine, honey, and mustard. Mix well, simmer 1 minute, and remove from heat.
3. Brush sturgeon with sauce. Place fish on baking sheet and broil 2 to 3 minutes, turning once. Serve with remaining sauce on a bed of Onion and Rice Soubise. Onion and Rice Soubise (last eight ingredients): Peel and coarsely slice onions. Melt the 3 tablespoons butter in a saucepan, add onions, and cook for 5 to 7 minutes. Add rice, mix well, then add fumet, salt, and pepper. Cover and simmer 30 minutes. Puree the mixture in a food processor, adding cream and the 2 tablespoons butter. Reheat over low heat. Adjust seasonings and serve.

A brochette is usually served on a bed of rice.

HUSTLA NATION's Malt Liquor Batter Chicken Wings with a Vodka-Kool Aid Reduction, and Cheez Whiz® Saganaki

Malt Liquor Batter Chicken Wings

 4 c. flour

1/4 cup fresh cracked pepper

1/2 tsp. sea salt

Any brand of malt liquor, enough to make a medium thick batter. Colt 45 is preferable because it passed the Billy Dee Williams "how smooth are you" test; but Champale, Olde English and Mickey's Phat Mouth are fine.

Dip chicken wings or chicken drumettes in batter and deep fry till golden brown. Drain on paper towel.  Dip into Vodka-Kool Aid Reduction sauce.



Vodka-Kool Aid Reduction

2 packages watermelon flavoured Kool-Aid® brand drink mix
1 quart Albertson's vodka

Combine Kool-Aid ® mix, 2 cups of water, and entire quart of vodka in a large pot. Stir until mixed well.
Cook on a very low flame, stirring frequently until mixture is thick and of the same consistency as molasses.



Cheez Whiz Saganaki

Pour 1 TBSP extra-virgin olive oil in a medium-sized cast iron skillet, tipping to coat skillet well.
Add 2 large jars of Cheez Whiz® processed cheese product.
Heat Cheez Whiz® very slowly over a low flame until crusty.
Serve sizzling in the cast iron pan, with a lemon wedge.

James Bail Bond's Perfect Vodka Martini

From Ian Fleming's "Casino Royale", Chapter 7

"Just a moment. Three measures of Gordon's, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it's ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon-peel. Got it?"

Kina Lillet is a brand of vermouth.

A traditional martini (as opposed to a vodka martini) is made with gin, dry vermouth and either an olive or a lemon peel. Nothing else. (Well, they used to make them with extra-dry white wine rather than the dry-wine variant vermouth, but we shan't address that age-old argument here) And a proper martini is stirred, not shaken.

A vodka martini substitutes vodka for the gin (or adds it to the gin, as Bond does) and sometimes allows other ingredients.

There are three main differences between a martini (or a vodka martini) which has been stirred and one which has been shaken. First, a shaken martini is usually colder than one stirred, since the ice has had a chance to swish around the drink more. Second, shaking a martini dissolves air into the mix; this is the "bruising" of the gin you may have heard seasoned martini drinkers complain about--it makes a martini taste too "sharp." Third, a shaken martini will more completely dissolve the vermouth, giving a less oily mouth feel to the drink.

In a vodka martini, cold is key: a vodka martini that is not ice-cold tastes like lighter fluid. So you shake them. The experience of a traditional martini is more dependent on it being smooth and on not ruining the delicate flavors of the gin. Therefore, one stirs it. Simple enough, no?

MagBas' Magnificent Suffering Bastard and Classic Gulf Coast Hurricane

Magnificent Bastard's Bastards

Classic Suffering Bastard: 1 part gin, 1 part rum, 1/2 part lime juice, dash o' bitters, 1 part ginger ale, over ice

Dangerous Dave's Bastard: 1 part light rum, 1 part gold rum, 1/2 part dark rum, 1/2 part orange curacao, 2 parts orange pineapple juice or maitai mix

Jeeves' Bastard:1 1/2 parts dark rum, 1 part light rum, 1/2 part creme de noyaux, 1/2 part triple sec, 1/2 part lime juice
V bastard: 4 oz. gin, 4 oz. vodka, 1/8 oz. lime juice

100 to Know Bastard: coat inside of glass with a soup spoon o' bitters, then 1 part gin, 3/4 part cognac, 1/4 part lime juice, teaspoonful of sugar syrup, finish with ginger beer

Cyberbastard: 1 oz. light rum, 1/2 oz. dark rum, 1/2 oz. brandy, teaspoon grenadine, teaspoon lime juice, top with orange juice

Booze King Bastard: 1 part lime juice, 4 parts ginger ale, dash o' bitters, 1 part bourbon, 1 part gin, garnish with pineapple wedge & maraschino cherry

Dying Bastard: 1 part brandy, 1 part gin, 1 part rum, 1 part ginger ale, 1/2 part lime juice, dash o' bitters

Dead Bastard: 1 part brandy, 1 part bourbon, 1 part gin, 1 part rum, 1 part ginger ale, 1/2 part lime, dash o' bitters


Magnificent Bastard's Gulf Coast Hurricane

Ingredients:
1 oz White rum
1 oz Jamaican Rum
1 oz Bacardi 151 proof rum
3 oz Orange juice with pulp
3 oz unsweetened Pineapple juice
1/2 oz Grenadine
Crushed Ice

Combine all ingredients, mix well (shake or stir). Pour over crushed ice in Hurricane glass. Best enjoyed through small straw. Garnish with fruit wedge if desired

King Mambo's Boston Badger Butt Mambo Rice Lasagna

6 pounds lean rolled badger shoulders, cut like a Boston Butt or picnic ham.

Juice of 3 limes, or 1/2 cup lime juice

Juice of 1 1/2 oranges, or 1/2 cup orange juice

2 tablespoons crushed dried oregano

1 teaspoon ground cumin

12 cloves garlic, minced (about 6 tablespoons minced)

2 tablespoons salt

2 (15-ounce) cans black beans, undrained

2 tablespoons plus 1/4 cup vegetable oil

2 cups water

2 cups long-grain white rice

1 3/4 teaspoons ground black pepper

6 very ripe plantains (outside skin must be black)

1/2 cup olive oil

1 pint cherry tomatoes, washed and halved or quartered

1/3 cup finely chopped fresh parsley or cilantro

DAY 1:
Place the pork in a large resealable plastic food storage bag and set aside.
 
In a bowl, combine the lime juice, orange juice, oregano, cumin, and 3 tablespoons of the minced garlic and whisk to combine thoroughly.
 
Pour the juice mixture over the pork and seal the storage bag. Place in the refrigerator to marinate overnight, turning occasionally.
 
DAY 2:
The next morning, remove the pork from the refrigerator and allow it to return to room temperature while still in the bag before proceeding.
 
Position rack in center of oven and preheat the oven to 350ºF. Line a roasting pan with aluminum foil and place a roasting rack inside the roasting pan.
 
Remove the pork from the marinade and discard the marinade. Season the pork with 1 tablespoon of the salt and the pepper.
 
Place the pork on the rack, fat side up. Cover with aluminum foil and bake for 4 hours. Start preparing the rice and beans and plantains.
 
Using oven mitts or pot holders, remove the foil from the roast and continue to bake until roast is very tender and pulls apart easily with a fork, about 2 hours longer.
 
Using oven mitts or pot holders, remove the pork from the oven and set aside to cool.
 
When the pork is cool enough to handle, remove any excess fat from the meat with a fork and discard. Using two forks or your clean hands, shred the pork into bite-size pieces. Set aside in a medium clean bowl.
 
PREPARING THE RICE AND BEANS AND PLANTAINS:
While the pork is roasting, in a medium saucepan combine the canned, undrained black beans, 2 tablespoons of the vegetable oil, 2 teaspoons of the salt, and the water and bring to a boil over high heat.
 
Using a wooden spoon, stir in the rice and return to a boil. Cover the pan with a tight-fitting lid and reduce the heat to medium-low so that the rice just simmers. Cook until the rice is tender and has absorbed the cooking liquid, about 20 to 25 minutes.
 
Meanwhile, to peel the plantains—which do not peel like regular bananas, top to bottom—carefully run a sharp knife down the length of the plantain in several spots. Then you can simply peel away the skin by opening it side to side.
 
Slice the peeled plantains crosswise on a diagonal into 1/2-inch-thick slices.
 
In a large skillet, heat the remaining 1/4 cup of vegetable oil over medium-high heat and sauté the plantain slices, in batches if necessary, until golden brown on both sides, turning with tongs to ensure even browning, about 1 1/2 to 2 minutes on each side. Transfer to plates lined with paper towels to drain briefly, then set plantains aside until ready to assemble the casserole.
 
In a small saucepan or skillet, heat the 1/2 cup olive oil over low heat and add the remaining 3 tablespoons of minced garlic. Cook slowly until the garlic is softened and very aromatic but not browned, about 4 to 5 minutes. Set aside to cool.
 
ASSEMBLING THE LASAGNA:
Position rack in center of oven and preheat the oven to 350ºF.
 
When all of the elements are ready, spread half of the rice and bean mixture evenly along the bottom of a lasagna pan.
 
Top with the shredded pork, and season with 1/2 teaspoon salt. Top this with the fried plantains and season with the remaining 1/2 teaspoon of salt.
 
Place the remaining rice and bean mixture over the plantains and drizzle the reserved garlic oil mixture over the top. Cover with aluminum foil.
 
Using oven mitts or pot holders, place the lasagna in the oven until heated through, about 30 minutes.
 
Using oven mitts or pot holders, remove the lasagna from the oven and serve garnished with the cherry tomatoes and parsley.
 

darth's fucking Really Really Small Tibetan Goji Berry and Blueberry Peach Pie

Crust:
1 and 1/4 cup all-purpose flour

2 tablespoons sugar or Stevia liquid extract - 20 drops

1/8 teaspoon of nutmeg

5 tablespoons butter, cut into 1-inch chunks

1 egg, beaten

1/2 teaspoon almond extract

1/2 cup finely chopped pecans Peach layer

3 cups peeled and sliced fresh peaches

2 tablespoons sugar or Stevia liquid extract - 20 drops

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1 teaspoon cornstarch

1 tablespoon butter BlueBerry layer

4 cups blueBerries

1/4 cup sugar or vegetable glycerin

1 tablespoon cornstarch

1 teaspoon lemon juice

dash ground cinnamon

1 tablespoon butter

GojiBerry layer: 4 cups Goji Berries - presoak twenty minutes in peach juice to soften (water will also work)

1/4 cup sugar or vegetable glycerin

1 tablespoon cornstarch

1 teaspoon lemon juice

dash ground cinnamon

1 tablespoon butter

Preparation: 1. To make the crust, place the flour and sugar or glycerin in a food processor. Process briefly to mix. Drop the chunks of butter into the feed tube with the motor running and process quickly until the mixture is crumbly. Add the egg, almond, and pecans and process until just combined. Do not overmix the crust.
2. Form the dough into a flattened ball and press it into the bottom and sides of a 12-inch tart pan with a removable bottom. Chill the crust for 30 minutes.
3. Preheat oven to 350°F.
4. Bake the crust for 15 to 20 minutes, or until slightly brown around the edge. Cool the crust on a wire rack.
5. To make the peach layer, mash the peaches together with the sugar/glycerin, lemon juice, and cornstarch in a medium saucepan and cook over medium heat for 5 minutes, or until the mixture thickens. Add the butter and stir until blended. Cool slightly and pour into the cooled crust.
6. To make the blueberry layer, mash 2 cups of the blueberries with the sugar/ glycerin, cornstarch, lemon juice, and cinnamon and cook in a large saucepan over medium heat for about 10 minutes, or until thickened and translucent. Stir in the butter and the remaining whole blueberries. Cover the peach layer with this blueberry mixture. Leave the tart in the pan and cover tightly with plastic wrap before putting into the pack.
7. To make the Goji Berry layer, mash 2 cups of the presoaked or blanched Goji Berries with the sugar or glycerin, cornstarch, lemon juice, and cinnamon and cook in a large saucepan over medium heat for about 10 minutes, or until thickened and translucent. Stir in the butter and the remaining whole Goji Berries. Cover the blueberry layer with this Goji Berry mixture. Leave the tart in the pan and cover tightly with plastic wrap before putting into the pack. Makes one 12-inch pie!